What They Don’t Teach You About Self-Love: The Sacred Messy Middle | Stories from the Path by JBE Mindful Pathways
🌿 Stories from the Path by JBE Mindful Pathways
They told us self-love was pretty. That it looked like rose baths, glowing skin, and a tidy morning routine with a matcha latte in hand.
Scroll through your timeline and you’ll find someone smiling through a “healing era,” someone swearing by a single moon ritual, someone else preaching that once you raise your vibration, everything will magically align. We believed them. Not because we were naïve—but because we were desperate for peace.
But the truth is… self-love is not a trend. It’s a war. A tender, brutal, slow, sacred war against everything you were taught to believe about your worth.
What they don’t tell you is this:
Self-love is grief.
Self-love is confrontation.
Self-love is peeling back layers of yourself that you used to hide behind, only to realize you’re not sure who’s underneath.
The Sacred, Messy Middle (Defined)
There’s a space between your breakdown and your breakthrough that no one warns you about.
It’s not the beginning—where you’re shocked by your own pain.
It’s not the end—where you’ve made peace.
It’s the middle—where you’re trying to hold yourself together with threads of grace and grit.
In the sacred, messy middle, you’ll experience moments like:
- Feeling deeply lonely but not wanting anyone to disturb your peace
- Wanting love but fearing the cost of letting someone in again
- Being proud of your growth, but still triggered by the same old patterns
- Mourning who you used to be, even if she was hurting
- Feeling invisible even while you’re finally speaking your truth
- Outgrowing your environment but not knowing where you belong now
- Missing people who hurt you—but knowing you can’t go back
- Sitting in your parked car for 10 minutes before walking into work, breathing through anxiety
- Opening your laundry basket, promising you’ll fold it, then walking away—again
- Making dinner for your kids but crying in the bathroom before bedtime
- Posting something positive online while privately struggling to believe it applies to you
It’s the space where you show up in fragments—and somehow, those fragments are still enough.
You’re not broken—you’re in the thick of becoming. And it’s messy. But that mess is sacred.
What Social Media and Spiritual Influencers Don’t Show You
Let’s be real:
We’ve been lied to.
The perfectly curated world of Instagram aesthetics, Pinterest affirmations, TikTok healing hacks, and even spiritual influencers and tarot readers make it seem like healing is as easy as lighting a candle and repeating a mantra.
But they don’t show you what healing really looks like:
- Setting a boundary and panicking after
- Trying to function while unlearning survival mode
- Breaking down after a “setback”
- Feeling rage over how long you accepted less
- Meditating daily—because if you don’t, you’ll spiral
- Pulling an affirmation card and still crying before noon
- Journaling beautifully but lying awake all night
- Feeling guilty for choosing yourself
- Being “woke” but still wounded
They show the glow-up, not the grief.
But that doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong.
Healing isn’t linear.
Growth isn’t glamorous.
And self-love isn’t always gentle.
You can burn sage, pull cards, and still cry yourself to sleep.
You can sip herbal tea and still feel like you’re failing.
You can affirm your worth—and still have days where you don’t want to get out of bed.
And that’s okay.
That is self-love.
The version nobody talks about.
What They Don’t Teach You About Self-Love
They don’t teach you that:
- Sometimes choosing yourself means losing others
- You’ll second-guess your own boundaries because no one claps for them
- You might heal faster than the people you love—and it will hurt
- You’ll crave connection but fear repeating old wounds
- The softest version of you might feel the most exposed
- Some days, brushing your teeth is the biggest act of love you’ll manage—and that’s still valid
- Self-love means doing the laundry… and being okay if you never folded it
- Cooking but not cleaning the kitchen is still something to be proud of
- Making a to-do list and only checking one thing off is enough
- Sitting on the couch all day after a long emotional week is progress
- Wanting to parent your kids with grace but not having the emotional bandwidth still makes you a good mother
Self-love is not a perfect version of you showing up.
It’s you, as you are—imperfect and trying—still showing up.
They don’t teach you that you’ll have to love yourself even when you don’t like yourself.
But the middle is where you become.
Not perfect. Not polished. Just… honest.
How to Keep Going (Even Here)
You don’t need to force joy.
You don’t need to fake energy.
You don’t need a new ritual.
You don’t need to force positivity.
You just need to keep choosing yourself—one honest moment at a time.
And keep showing up—even imperfectly.
Here are a few soul practices to honor your sacred middle:
- Pause instead of punishing yourself. Feel the emotion before you fix it.
- Write letters to your younger self. Tell her she deserved better—and still does.
- Move your body to release, not to perform.
- Speak your truth, even if your voice shakes. Especially then.
- Lay in bed for a full day, then wake up tomorrow and try again
- Listen to your body’s needs, even when they don’t match your planner
- Ask for help, even when your voice shakes
- Let the dishes sit in the sink, and call that okay
- Unfollow toxic positivity and let your healing be real, messy, and yours
- Wear the same clothes two days in a row, but still say “I love me” in the mirror
- Take a nap instead of writing in your journal—because rest is medicine too
You are not less than because your healing doesn’t look like a highlight reel.
Final Reflection
Self-love isn’t a final destination—it’s a living relationship with yourself.
It won’t always feel good, and that’s what makes it sacred.
Self-love isn’t a perfect glow.
It’s a dim light you protect in the dark.
It’s holding your own hand when no one else does.
It’s the sacred act of surviving a moment you thought would break you.
It’s crying on your bathroom floor—and still brushing your teeth after.
It’s feeling like a mess—and still choosing to be kind to yourself.
It’s knowing you’re still worthy—even in the dark.
If all you did today was survive—you’ve done enough.
If you only made it halfway through your healing—that still counts.
If you’re showing up in fragments—those fragments are still beautiful.
“Healing doesn’t always bloom in the spotlight.
Sometimes, it grows quietly in the messy middle—
where you learn to be your own safe place.”
So to the ones who:
- Got out of bed but didn’t go far
- Made it to work with a lump in their throat
- Held their child while secretly falling apart
- Did one small thing today and still felt like it wasn’t enough—
You don’t have to have it all figured out to be deserving of softness.
You don’t have to finish the healing to be worthy of love.
Just breathe. That’s enough.
This middle part? It’s not failure.
It’s becoming.
It’s sacred.
It’s yours.
This is your reminder:
You are doing sacred work.
Even in the mess.
Especially in the middle.
From Me to You
If no one told you today—I see you.
Not the polished version. Not the curated one.
I see the you who’s still showing up, even when it’s hard.
The you who’s learning to be gentle with yourself in ways no one taught you.
If your healing doesn’t look like theirs, that’s okay.
If you’re doing it in pieces, you’re still doing it.
And that matters. You matter.
With grace, grit, and a love that refuses to quit—
Keep showing up. Even when it feels like no one’s watching.
Your presence is powerful. Your love is building something they’ll one day thank you for.
From one soul in the middle to another—
With strength and softness,
~ Juju Divine Empress
Founder, JBE Mindful Pathways
Wellness Advocate | Writer | Mother | Still Learning, Always Loving
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