Impostor Syndrome: Silent Unmasking | Pause and Breathe by JBE Mindful Pathways

Pause & Breathe | by Juju Divine Empress
Journal Entry: Imposter Syndrome

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I don’t even know where to begin tonight.
I just know that something feels… off.

I look at the life I’m living—this peaceful, stable, earned life—
and some part of me still whispers:
This isn’t really yours.

And that voice?
It doesn’t scream. It just waits.
It waits in the silence after a win.
It waits when someone compliments me.
It waits when I do something brave—and then second-guess it to death.

It’s that hollow, shapeshifting ache I’ve felt for years.
I didn’t have the name for it back then.
Now I do.

Imposter Syndrome.
That feeling that says you don’t belong where you are.
That your success, your healing, your growth—was all just luck.
That you’re one misstep away from being “found out.”
Like you’ve been impersonating someone braver than you actually are.

And I hate how much I believe it sometimes.

It makes no sense.
I’ve been through hell.
I’ve survived things that almost broke me.
I’ve worked hard, prayed hard, bled quietly for the peace I’m living in now.
But still—somewhere in me—this voice rises up like an old alarm system:
You don’t deserve this.
You’re not as whole as you seem.
You’re still the girl who couldn’t breathe without the chaos.

And the wildest part?
I think I feel it more now than I ever did during the actual chaos.
Back then, I was too busy surviving to question anything.
Now that it’s quiet… now that I’m healing…
the doubt has room to echo.

I look in the mirror and I know I’m not that broken girl anymore.
But sometimes I still feel like her shadow.
Like I’m just borrowing this version of me—trying her on,
hoping no one notices it doesn’t fit just right yet.

I wish I could just believe it.
Believe that I’m not a fluke.
That I’m not faking my way through this season.
That I’ve earned every inch of this peace.
But that belief doesn’t come easily.
Not when you’ve spent most of your life feeling like you had to audition just to exist.

So I write this down tonight not because I’ve figured it out,
but because I’m trying to see myself.
To say out loud what the shame wants me to keep hidden.

I’m not an imposter.
I’m just healing.
I’m just unfamiliar with peace.
I’m just learning how to trust a life that doesn’t hurt.

And yeah, I still flinch sometimes.
I still brace for disappointment that never comes.
But I’m breathing through it.
I’m staying.

Because this life?
It may not always feel like mine yet—
but I’m not leaving it behind.

Not this time.

I’ll keep showing up, even when I feel out of place.
Even when the doubt creeps in.
Even when the voice returns.

Because the truth is, I’ve always been real.
Even when I didn’t believe it.

With the shaky but sacred courage to claim my own space,
~ Juju Divine Empress
Founder, JBE Mindful Pathways
Wellness Advocate | Writer | Mother | Still Learning, Always Loving