When Joy Feels Interrupted | Pause & Breathe Journal by JBE Mindful Pathways

Pause & Breathe | JBE Mindful Pathways
Journal Entry: When Joy Feels Interrupted

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I should be happy right now.
I want to be.
Things in my life have come full circle in a way I never thought they would.
The girl who kept stopping and starting is finally finishing something.
The woman who always clapped for others is finally being celebrated.

I earned something that once felt impossible—
and yet… joy didn’t flood in the way I expected.
Not because I’m ungrateful. Not because I’m numb.
But because joy, for me, has always come with an expiration date.

Every time something beautiful happens,
it feels like something painful follows.
Like the universe is reminding me not to get too comfortable.
So even when I’m proud, I brace myself.
Even when I’m glowing, I’m scanning for shadows.

Lately, life has felt like that again.
Moments of peace, of progress, of pride—
followed by disruption.
The kind that makes my heart sink.
The kind that shakes the ground I just started to feel safe standing on.

And I find myself wondering:
Why does happiness still feel like a test I wasn’t meant to pass?
Why do I keep feeling like I have to fight for joy,
only to lose it before I can really hold it?

I know I’m strong.
I know I’ve survived worse.
I know I always find a way.

But just because I’ve carried the weight before
doesn’t mean I want to keep lifting it.

Sometimes I just want to exhale into the life I’ve built—
without being yanked back into survival mode.
I want to smile without wondering what’s coming next.
I want to celebrate without flinching.

And even in the middle of this tension—this mix of light and heaviness—
I’m still proud.
I’m still here.
And that matters.

Maybe this is what healing really looks like:
Not a life without pain… but a heart that keeps opening anyway.
Not a perfect moment… but a moment that’s still mine,
even if it doesn’t feel the way I imagined.

So I’m breathing through it.
The joy. The grief. The frustration. The hope.

Because even if happiness feels interrupted right now—
I’m still allowed to claim it.
Even in pieces.
Even in pause.

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With tired hope and a heart still trying,
~ Juju Divine Empress
Founder, JBE Mindful Pathways
Wellness Advocate | Writer | Mother | Still Learning, Always Loving